托福独立写作大揭秘
2017-12-21 372人浏览
托福独立写作的评分标准第一项便是 task response, 由此可见,独立写作时,最最重要的一环,应归属审题二字。
审题的雷区大致归结为两个方面,一是宏观层面踩到了大雷,即题目回答角度完全跑偏,非但“fail to address the task and the topiceffectively”,更是“fail to address the task and the topic”;
二是微观层面,即题目虽然没有理解错,但在论述过程中因为审题不仔细或论述不严谨,亦或是论述过程中思路出现偏差而带来的论述跑偏。
首先我们先来看一下所谓宏观层面的审题雷区,这样的审题错误往往是由于考生错误地理解考题的本意,而给出了可谓“驴唇不对马嘴”的答案,以TPO 25为例:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Young people nowadays do not give enough time to help their communities.
以下是一个学生给出的一个主体段:
The main reason for my disagreement is that community service could helpstudents gain knowledge and abilities that cannot be acquired in school. Theycan get acquainted with people in different age, with different backgrounds,and having different hobbies in helping neighborhoods. This means that studentsmay have to learn how to express ideas, listen to others and cooperate withothers, since much team work tends to be involved in the process of doingcommunity service. Last month, I helped plant several trees in my community,and met a retired professor who is also a volunteer. He imparted me a greatdeal of knowledge about trees and planting. Because of his age, I also helpedhim finish nearly all labor work and he was more like a director who gave mesuggestions and guidance. Evidently, if rejecting community service, I woulddefinitely lose such a precious opportunity.
如果单看上面这个段落,不难看出,作者思路清晰、文字流畅、论述有理有据,但是如果结合题目,其实也不难体会到,作者清晰的思路其实都用在了一个跑偏的方向上。题目问我们“是否同意:如今的年轻人并没有花足够的时间做社区服务”,上文中第一句里的“disagree”告诉我们他不同意,但是读完整个段落,你是否发现,他不同意的并不是题目,而是这样一个命题,即“如今的年轻人不应该花时间来做社区服务”,因为整个段落他讲的都是做社区服务的好处。
如果回答题目,很明显应该分析的是年轻人为什么已经花了/并没有花足够的时间做社区服务。所以分析的角度也自然应该从年轻人出发,比如如果同意,可能会说现在年轻人太忙了,或是服务意识下降了,或是现在的社会足够健全,不需要年轻人了;如果不同意可以说现在的年轻人服务意识更强了,学校组织或公司组织的服务活动很多,或一些民间NGO等等都让现在的年轻人花了更多时间在help communities上。
这样,才是正确的解题思路,而按照上文的思路,就算文字再好,逻辑再连贯,也只能接受成绩不理想的后果了。这种跑题我们可以称之为是一种宏观的、彻头彻尾的跑题,如果在考试之前加以足够的练习,这种严重的跑题大部分同学基本都可以避免,然而接下来这种微观的审题失误造成文章跑题就稍显麻烦了。
我们来看一下以下这道题目:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attentionto the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities.
以下是一位学生的作文片段,开头段和第一主体段(让步段):
In almost every form of media, including television, newspapers andmagazines, a great deal of attention is paid to the personal lives ofcelebrities. It seems that the public cannot get enough of this kind of news.However, I believe that what the media should do is to protect and respect thelives of public figures rather than giving too much exposure.
Of course, close reports of super stars, especially news about theirprivate lives and relationships, can satisfy fans’ curiosity and thereforepromote the sales of fan magazines and other related products. Thosecelebrities can also achieve more affection and appear more on TV shows orentertainment news. However, the media should respect the privacy of everyindividual, including public figures. It is true that celebrities may havechosen to be in the public eye, but that does not give the public the right toknow everything about them. Zhang Bozhi, a famous Chinese actress, has tochange her dwelling places for three times to protect her sons due to thefanatical paparazzi. It is definitely understandable that a super star shouldhave privacy and an ordinary life.
相信你如果只看以上两个段落可能并不会觉得有什么问题,但是如果我们结合起来题目,不免会产生一些犹疑,也就是很多学生经常有的一种感受,叫做“怪怪的”,这样写得话真的对吗?
我们先来分析下题目:
“你是否同意:电视、报纸、杂志以及其他媒体过于关注名人(比如公众人物或者明星)的私生活了。”
对于这样的问题,我们该如何切题得回答呢?咱们不妨来打个比方,如果你跟你的朋友抱怨“我妈最近太关注我学习了”,那么接下来你的解释应该选择以下哪种思路呢?
1. 她老人家天天盯着我写作业,每天检查我做了多少道题,每周都会跟我们班主任沟通我上课的情况,导致我现在压力非常大,每天都神经紧绷,上课也非常紧张,怕老师跟我妈打小报告;
2. 我妈不应该这么关注我学习,她这样做导致我每天都神经紧绷,上课也非常紧张,怕老师跟我妈打小报告,她也应该关心关心我的心理状态还有我的日常生活。
很明显,第一种回答方法,是先对于“我妈关注我学习”进行了解释,然后又说了下这样的关注产生的后果,来说明“已经过头了”,而第二种回答方式,虽然也有说到“关注的后果”,但是重点则是在讨论“我妈该不该这样做,我妈应该怎样做才对”。虽然上面两种回答中有相同的地方,但是出发点不一样,导致终点势必有些区别。很明显第一种答法更符合题目要求,既回应了“关注”又回应了“太”。
类比一下上面的作文题目,如果我同意,应该论述的是“媒体就是太关注了”,反之,应该论述的是“媒体并没有过分关注”,至于“媒体是否应该关注”,这个论题并不是我们重点要讨论的内容,但是“媒体过分关注所产生的后果”可以作为一部分支持论述来支持“too much”。
在上文的写作片段中,作者从开头段开始就已经走在了一条不太正确的道路上:“…a great deal of attention is paid to thepersonal lives of celebrities … However, I believe that what the media should do is to protect and respect the lives of public figures rather than giving toomuch exposure.”他用一句话回应了题目,而立场则开始带入了明显的评价。接下来在让步段,前半段他说明的是媒体这样做的意义或产生的正作用,但是接下来话锋一转,说媒体不该这样做,这样的做法其实并没有尊重名人们的隐私,并用影星张柏芝的例子来证明,媒体这样的报道所产生的问题。如此种种,该考生已经沉浸在自己所设定的题目中了,即讨论“媒体是否应该过分关注明星”,至于“pay attention”这个关键词却并没有给出明确的回应,因此即使语言再好,恐怕得分也不会太高。
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